You’re probably imagining how your upcoming holiday celebrations will go this year. While family celebrations are often thought of as happy occasions filled with love and laughter, many people find these reunions stressful. Conflicts that seem to surface every year and relatives who are simply unpleasant can increase our anxiety and cause us to want to avoid the situation altogether. Instead of preparing for a fight this year, follow these tips to make family gatherings more enjoyable.

Change Your Focus

If you are already anticipating that a gathering will be stressful, whether it be a past experience or interactions throughout the year, your anxiety will likely be increasing before actual gathering begins. Instead of worrying about what will happen, choose activities that can help reduce your anxiety, like listening to music or taking a walk. If you can try some positive activities before the gathering, your stress level won’t already be high before the event, which will help you manage the interactions that are occurring versus anticipating what you think will come up.

Manage Your Expectations

As refreshing as it would be if Uncle Bob didn’t judge your tattoos at dinner, he probably will. People typically don’t change when they have behaved in the same way for years. Try to avoid interacting with negative family members at gatherings to reduce the potential for anxiety. Go and sit next to your aunt who always likes to talk about the appetizers or with your fun cousin watching football instead.

Avoid Discussion of Upsetting Topics

People typically avoid politics and religion but be careful to avoid sensitive subjects without thinking about how they might affect others. “Are you ever going to have a baby?” may seem harmless, but more often than not, it can strike a nerve. Plan for some fun, low-key topics to bring up to avoid the family members who like to bring up difficult subjects. By having some ideas in advance, you can be prepared to adjust the subject if needed.

Do Something Active and Engaging

Plan to have an activity or game ready. It gives everyone something fun to focus on and creates a built-in diversion for the family. Card games, board games, charades, Pictionary, and similar games tend to be enjoyable for individuals of all ages and it’s often fun to have cross-generational teams playing together. As a bonus, people tend to focus on the game or activity and enjoy it rather than bringing up topics of conversation that may be uncomfortable.

Practice Gratitude

Take a time-out and focus on things you are grateful for to keep your mindset in a positive direction. By leaning into positivity, you can keep your mood up and avoid getting drawn into negative thoughts or feelings that may cause you to feel upset, angry, or uncomfortable.

Bring a Positive Reminder For Yourself

Bring along a text or photo to distract you from the event and remind you of the positive things in your life. Seeing these things can be a visual reminder that a difficult family gathering is not the only thing you have going on this holiday season.

Take a Break and Breathe

If things get too stressful you can plan to sneak away from the group. Give yourself permission to take a break, perhaps go for a walk. Getting some fresh air will allow you time to decompress so that you are mindful and in control of your emotions. If you can’t physically leave a stressful event, you can always focus on your breathing. Take slow, deep breaths, breathing in through your nose for 5 seconds, holding your breath for 7 seconds and exhaling for 8 seconds through your mouth. You can use deep breathing as a way to self-regulate anytime, anywhere .

It’s important to remember that you can only control yourself and cannot change other people (including family members!). By keeping these tips and strategies in mind, you can hopefully keep yourself in a positive mindset during potentially stressful and emotionally volatile situations. When you regulate your emotions (even under the most challenging of situations), you’ll feel more positive about your experiences and your family interactions this holiday season.

This blog post was written by Samantha Sanborn, LPC, one of the therapists at FVCC. Samantha provides individual and group therapy at the practice and specializes in work with older adolescents, young adults and adults who are dealing with a range of clinical issues, including anxiety, depression, major mental health challenges, and everyday life stressors.