It's inevitable… Summer is coming to an end and there's nothing you can do about it. If it hasn’t happened already, in a matter of days, your kids will be going back to school. While a select few kids and teens may be happy about it, far more are likely experiencing feelings of dread, anxiety, and sadness about the end of summer.
The unknown of starting a new school year can be quite difficult, particularly for kids who struggle with anxiety. They may be worrying about who will be in their classes, where they’ll sit at lunch, whether they’ll have trouble finding their way around the building, what to wear, how they’ll manage the school work, what type of teachers they’ll have, and countless other things.
While parents can’t extend the summer vacation, they can do some things to make the return to school a little bit easier for their children.
Here are 7 Tips to Help Your Child (and YOU!) Have a Successful Transition from Summer to School...
1. Focus on the Positives
Help your child to make a list of everything that’s good about about going back to school. Encourage your child to take a few minutes to really think about the benefits of school… even if that benefit is getting one more year under their belt so they’re closer to the finish line! There really are a lot of positives for most kids and teens - seeing friends, getting to know new teachers, learning interesting things, participating in clubs or activities at school or after school, the feeling that comes with being recognized for good work or accomplishing goals. Some students really don’t care for the classroom environment, but they LOVE the social aspects of school. Everyone is different, but chances are, with your help, your child can come up with at least 10 positives.
2. Do Some Back-to-School Shopping
It's always fun to get new things to start the school year - clothes, supplies, shoes. For me, I especially love getting new pens and special notebooks. I am obsessed with cute list pads. I'm not kidding - I literally just bought one that says "I Love Lists"! I recognize that I may be in the minority when it comes to loving my school supplies, but I am sure everyone feels better with a little something new to start the year. Maybe your child loves sneakers, a cute piece of jewelry, a new backpack, or a sharp new haircut. Anything that makes them feel better about starting the school year will do just fine. And, I know that most of us are on a budget. These back-to-school items do not have to be expensive. Lots of stores have great sales on supplies and clothing this time of year. My little list pad was only $2.99 at Marshalls!
3. Start a Fun Back-to-School Tradition
I have a friend who hosts a back to school ice cream social the day before school every year. She invites all of the neighborhood families to get together for ice cream cones. What's not to love about this? The ice cream social provides a sense of community and a fun distraction at a time when kids may otherwise find themselves worry about the first day. While my friend's children are now grown and out of college, her neighborhood tradition lives on and has become a great way for everyone to celebrate the end of summer. You can do something like this, or perhaps start a new family tradition, like a movie night, a game night, a special family dinner, or some other fun way to mark the beginning of the school year.
4. Pick an Outfit for the First Day
Help your child decide what they’d like to wear on the first day. You can really have fun with this. Your child may enjoy getting creative and mixing and matching their clothing and accessories. Or maybe they prefer to go with the tried and true, wearing some "old favorites". Whatever the case, dedicate some time and effort into planning an outfit to kick off the new school year. There is something about showing up in clothing that helps us to feel more comfortable and at ease. Goodness knows, there are plenty of other stressors associated with starting school - the first day of school outfit doesn't have to be one of them!
5. Talk About Worries & Fears
Set aside time to talk with your child about any feelings of anxiety or worries about the new year. Be sure to do this at a time when you are both in a good state of mind - these parent/child discussions never go well when you and/or your child are in an emotionally charged place. Exploring worries and fears authentically requires a level of vulnerability that’s best achieved when you’re both calm and open to the discussion. A word of caution to parents (as we tend to want to jump in and rescue or to minimize our kids’ concerns), your job in this conversation is ONLY TO LISTEN, not to jump in there and try to solve problems. Rather than trying to fix the situation, simply say things like, “That sounds upsetting” or “What an awful feeling…tell me more” or “I can’t even imagine how hard that is for you.” Practice LISTENING and being open to hearing what’s going on for your child as a way providing nonjudgemental support.
6. Problem-Solve Around Concerns
Now that you have a sense of your child’s primary worries and fears about school (ie, you’ve successfully completed #5), provide a sounding board for your child to consider solutions to some of their perceived problems. Again, this is NOT about you jumping in to try to fix things; it’s about your child learning how to consider things they can do to make school easier. For example, if they say they’re worried about walking in alone on the first day, rather than suggesting they go with a friend, you can ask, “Is there anything you can do that might help with this?” (guiding your child toward their own solution). This can be one of the most challenging things for parents because we are well-intentioned and have a really difficult time seeing our struggling (especially when we believe we can scoop in there and offer a solution). When we help our kids to consider alternatives and take an active role in problem-solving situations they find difficult, we are helping them to build self-advocacy skills and a sense of autonomy.
7. Embrace the Fact that a New School Year Offers a Fresh Start
Remind your child that they are starting the year with a blank slate. They are have opportunities for new learning, new friendships and to entirely new school experiences, all of which will help them to grow. If your child tends to struggle with homework, remind them they are starting the year completely caught up and on top of things! Often teachers start the year with simple tasks (getting forms signed, etc.) that can help to build a sense of accomplishment and momentum. Encourage your child to complete all of these assignments on time and offer to help. Many times, even at the high school level, parents are required to complete a portion of the paperwork acknowledging expectations for the year. This is a time to kick off the year in a positive direction and to put a positive spin on the opportunities that lie ahead.
Going back to school is not easy for many kids and teens, but you can help to ease the transition and to set the stage for a great year ahead. Take pause and intentionally create ways to make this transition as smooth and successful as possible.
And, once you make it through that first day and get all your kiddos off to school, take a little time to celebrate yourself. If you’re anything like me, there’s nothing like a trip to Starbucks in recognition of your hard work! ;)
Marla Dakin, LCSW helps children, adolescents, young adults and parents who are struggling with anxiety and other mental health challenges. She is especially passionate about helping parents learn skills and strategies to help their children overcome worries and fears so they can live full, happy lives. Marla has over 20 years experience working in the schools as a school social worker and in her private practice, Farmington Valley Counseling Center, in Avon, CT, and she is mom to two kids who have had their own struggles with anxiety over the years. In addition to her work hin the therapy office, Marla offers a variety of online workshops and webinars for parents. Follow Marla on Instagram @marladakin and join her private Facebook group for parents “Living it Together” to stay informed about upcoming events, offerings and speaking engagements.
Remember: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.
