"I just wish someone would see how hard this is for me too."

When a teen is struggling with anxiety, the focus is primarily - and understandably- on them. We spend countless hours looking for therapists, tools, and strategies to help them cope - late night Googling, scouring the Facebook groups, and consulting with all the experts we can find. We are desperate for anything that will help our teen feel better.

But in all the concern for our teens, one critical piece of the puzzle is overlooked: the mom behind the scenes, the one who’s in the thick of it, trying to hold it all together while quietly spiraling on the inside.

As a licensed therapist and a mom of two (now young adults) who has lived through this journey myself, I know firsthand how invisible a mother’s struggles can feel when she’s supporting a child through anxiety.

The truth is, supporting a teen with anxiety is emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting — and most moms are carrying the weight of it all silently, believing their teen’s emotional well-being is the thing that matters most.

Here’s why caring for moms’ mental and emotional health is the most overlooked — and essential — strategy to help teens with anxiety.

1. Moms set the emotional tone at home.

When anxiety is running high, kids and teens take cues from the adults around them — especially their mom. If you’re constantly walking on eggshells, stressed, or burnt out, it’s nearly impossible to create a calm, steady environment for your teen. Supporting moms helps create a ripple effect of calm throughout the family.

2. Unaddressed stress in moms can lead to burnout — and resentment.

When you’re “on” 24/7, putting your child’s needs first, it’s easy to neglect your own. But over time, that leads to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and even resentment. Those emotions put a strain your relationship with your teen and the rest of your family, and your career or personal life outside of the home. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup - this is especially true when you’re navigating stressful mental health issues with your kids.

3. Moms need tools, too.

It’s not enough to hand a teen a set of coping skills if their mom feels powerless, unsupported, or unsure how to respond. Moms must have the tools themselves, so they feel empowered to respond with calm and clarity when anxiety strikes. They need to know what to say - and what NOT to say - in those critical moments.

4. It improves treatment outcomes for the teen.

Studies (and firsthand experience) show that when parents, particularly moms, are engaged, supported, and resourced, kids and teens are able to make more progress. A supported mom is better equipped to reinforce strategies at home and model emotional regulation for her teen.

5. You deserve calm, connection, and joyful moments.

You matter. Your feelings matter. Your well-being matters. Supporting you is not just about helping your teen — it’s about you feeling whole and well again, too. The truth is, unless you are feeling nourished and cared for, able to pursue those things and relationships that bring you joy, you are not able to fully, wholeheartedly be there for your teen or your family.

As a mom who’s lived this journey myself — sitting in the car crying after another impossible morning, feeling like I was failing at everything — I know how lonely it can feel. And I also know it doesn’t have to stay that way.

If you’re a mom who’s “in it”, remember, you don’t have to figure it out alone — and you deserve support, too.

FVCC IS HERE TO HELP!

If you’re supporting an anxious teen, Farmington Valley Counseling Center is here to help you feel steadier, calmer, and more confident — for yourself and your family. We have a team of exceptional therapists who specialize in supporting kids, teens, and families who are navigating anxiety, depression, school-related challenges, and other common life transitions.

CALL (860) 255-4017 or CLICK HERE to schedule your FREE 15-MINUTE CONSULTATION so that you can learn more about how we can support you and your family.

You may also visit marladakin.com for information about upcoming programs created specifically for moms navigating this journey.

MARLA DAKIN, LCSW, Founder and Clinical Director of Farmington Valley Counseling Center, is a licensed therapist with more than 25 years experience working with kids, teens, young adults and families in a variety of school settings and private practice. She is also a mom who’s experienced the challenges of teen anxiety firsthand. Marla is passionate about helping families navigate the challenges of mental health together. She developed the Family Forward™️ Anxiety Treatment Program, based on her TAME™️ (Talk, Affirm, Manage, Empower) framework to empower families with simple, easy-to-implement strategies to support one another in conquering anxiety and restoring peace at home. Marla also offers online coaching to moms of anxious teens and is available for keynote speaking engagements at schools, organizations, and other events that address mental health and parenting issues. Learn more at marladakin.com.

Please note: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.