When Your 20-Something is Still Struggling
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Thinking back to when your child turned 18, you probably imagined the hardest years were behind you. You made it through high school, survived college applications, and maybe even dropped them off at their dorm or first apartment with pride (and tears). You hoped the next stage would be smoother.
But here you are—years later—and your young adult is still struggling.
Maybe they’re living back home, feeling lost about their next steps. It’s likely you were both thinking you’d be in a different place at this stage of life - this is not what either of you envisioned.
It’s possible that anxiety or depression is making it hard for them to work, finish school, or maintain healthy habits. You know they want to be further along, but it just seems they are unable to make it happen. It appears they’re “stuck” in a cycle of stress and avoidance. You keep expecting things to get better, but honestly, they’re getting worse and you don’t see things moving in a different direction anytime soon.
It’s hard to know how to help and you are constantly second guessing the best way to respond. Are you supporting your young adult as they figure things out… or are you enabling their behaviors which are essentially keeping them stuck in this negative place?
You love your child deeply, but it’s exhausting to watch them spin their wheels while you carry the weight of their future on your shoulders.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. At Farmington Valley Counseling Center, we work with lots of parents and young adults navigating this exact in-between season.
Here are five gentle reminders to help you stay grounded, supportive, and hopeful along the way:
1. Remember: Struggle is part of the process.
It’s easy to panic when your young adult falters. But growth rarely happens in a straight line. The path to independence is full of false starts, pauses, and pivots. Try to see their struggle as information—not failure. Ask curious questions instead of jumping to fix: “What do you think might help?” shows trust and partnership.
2. Don’t confuse empathy with rescuing.
When you’ve watched your child suffer, every instinct screams to step in. But rescuing—paying every bill, solving every problem—can quietly undermine their confidence. True empathy means offering understanding without taking over. (“I know this is really hard. I believe you can handle it.”)
3. Focus on connection, not control.
You may not be able to control your child’s choices, but you can strengthen your relationship. Regular check-ins, shared meals, or even light moments of humor can go a long way toward keeping communication open. When your child feels emotionally safe with you, they’re far more likely to accept your guidance.
4. Encourage small, steady steps.
Many 20-somethings get paralyzed by big decisions—what career to pursue, whether to move, or how to balance finances. Help them break down goals into realistic steps: apply for one job, make one appointment, take one class. Progress builds momentum.
5. Know when it’s time for professional help.
If your young adult’s anxiety, depression, or avoidance is impacting daily life, therapy can be life-changing. A skilled therapist can help them develop emotional regulation, communication skills, and self-confidence—and help you learn how to support without burning out. Sometimes, the best thing you can do as a parent is connect them with someone they can talk to who isn’t you.
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Watching your young adult struggle is heartbreaking—but there is hope. With the right tools and support, they can move from surviving to thriving. And you can start to rest easy again, too!
At Farmington Valley Counseling Center, we have several therapists currently accepting new clients in Avon, Farmington, and online for residents across Connecticut, New Jersey, and Vermont.
We support both young adults who are working to build confidence and direction, and parents who are trying to navigate this stage with compassion and balance.
Learn more about these exceptional therapists and how they can support you and your family in this season:
📞 Call (860) 255-4017 today to schedule a free 15-minute consultation and take the next step toward support for you and your family.
Please note: this post is for informational purposes only and may not be the best fit for you and your personal situation. It shall not be construed as medical advice. The information and education provided here is not intended or implied to supplement or replace professional medical treatment, advice, and/or diagnosis. Always check with your own physician or medical professional before trying or implementing any information read here.
